all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
