I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
