She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
