we have pet lesbian snakes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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