You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do vagina's smell?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
