the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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