Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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