This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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