this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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