he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
