Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
