ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i love accidental penises.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
