You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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