She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
