Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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