I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
