i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
