Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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