This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
