still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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