All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
