she was so not down for the gang bang
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
