She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
