Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
