my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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