um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
