im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
