why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
