so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
