ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
