life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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