Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
