So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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