Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
