her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
