I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
