my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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