His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
