yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
