she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i drank out of a bidet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
