He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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