Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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