I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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