get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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