I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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