you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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