Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
