he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize