Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
