just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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