You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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