Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found puke in my bra..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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