she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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