i love accidental penises.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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