My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
