I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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