I need help removing her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
