Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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