i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Farmville is her only friend.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
