If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
