My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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