He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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