its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
