My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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