You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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