just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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