Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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