We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
