I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
