That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
