I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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