i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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