I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
