She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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