he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
