just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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