how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
