Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
