Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is Oprah even human
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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