I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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