I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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