who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
