Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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