wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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