Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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