spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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